Recently I have come to recognize a reoccurring pattern in my life that I wish to end immediately. I know not when exactly it started but it has become more noticeable over the last couple of years, a kind of inability to pull up from a nose dive of negative thoughts and emotions. As far as I can recollect, I have had these moments going all the way back to childhood, where I lose control of emotions temporarily if only for a few minutes or an hour or so but then return to a much more stable state of mind. But these are no longer occurring in minutes or hours anymore. These are now a day or two long where thoughts occur but get stuck in a kind of loop. On most days these thoughts are only passing and I am able to brush them off completely and go about being my usual cheery happy to be alive self. But then there are these days where this sort of looping occurs and it drives me down into the deepest darkness, where I am no longer able to return to my normal state of mind. My wife has been instrumental in being able to pull me out of these days. But this is not fair to her. She also finds it hard to understand how the pendulum can swing from me being so happy, grateful and appreciative of the wonderful things I have to live for to suddenly being not present anymore and spiraling into a depressive state. I am also not aware of how this is possible, especially when I have everything any man that has ever lived can ask for. It is scary not knowing when this will happen again. I am sure that this is something that on most days, most people around the world like myself, go through this but only as a passing phase of everyday life’s stress. I also understand that life is not supposed to be one long joyous festival of happiness. On most days I am easily able to get on with my life, but for these darker days, I would like some tools to be able to get my life and state of mind back to baseline so to speak.
Recognition and acceptance of a mental health problem is a first step of sorts and seeking professional help is my next move.